12/09/2011

Working With Uncertainty



My recent illness starkly points out the grand bargain I made with Diana and Michael. The bargain we made together that wonderful Saturday nearly two years ago.  You know the one...

Rescue me and I will rescue you.

This grand bargain has worked its magic simply, elegantly, joyfully and flawlessly without any concerns for all of us – for a while.

My Vet is reasonably optimistic that this drug resistant infection can be cured. Not 100% sure. With no specific reason for contracting it and no underlying medical issue feeding it, the whys and hows are many and apparently not answerable. So I take my medicine daily, hidden in cheese (found my silver lining), make changes in my daily routine to reduce risk via western medical options and holistic choices, and wait. We will work really hard to inch the percentage of full recovery higher.

I undoubtedly won’t outlive either of them or live as long as they would like or need. Knowing Diana, she will then experience tremendous grief, self-doubt and loneliness when I am gone. She will work through these emotions with Michael and alone. She will eventually be able to think of me without profound sadness and even, as I hope, be able to share the deep well of love she has to share with another.

Is this bargain a bargain with the devil then?

No, it is not.

It is a bargain of faith, love, loyalty, responsibility and undying friendship.

It is a bargain worthy of the risks.

And really, what more can we ask of each other?

3 comments:

Ted the border terrier said...

On Sasha, we have tear in eye you will outlive me...old ted
We love you and are proud to call you a good friend x

Stacy and Ellie said...

We are keeping you in our thoughts and hope you get better really soon so that you can live a good long life like you're supposed to :)

Sue Bates said...

I'm crying right now. So true, it is so worth it, I know my 14 year old won't be here for a lot longer. But I so have loved meeting Cody and having him be a part of my life, How lucky am I?
Thanks Diana for the inspiring info.