A Morning Like No Other

So, you won’t believe what happened on my morning walk.

 

I’m a reasonable pup.  I do my best and abide by my humans (stupid) rules, so it seems only fair that my humans do their best and abide by my simple rules.  Rules such as haul your lazy self out of bed so you can feed me on time, scratch my belly when I turn over, give me two cheese snacks when you crate me, and tell me how awesome I am at least 10 times a day – you know - the basics.

 

There is one rule that cannot be broken. I must have an absolutely quiet, audience free moment with my favorite spot (determined daily) to accomplish my morning business.  This really isn’t too much to ask…or so I thought…

 

Bear with me while I support my unbreakable rule up with facts and evidence.

 

According to AmericanHumane.org:

It is not instinctive for dogs to relieve themselves outside; it is only natural for them to not go where they sleep. Everyplace else is fair game!

Additionally, The Lewiston Vet Clinic, Lewiston, MN, suggests:

Praise the good: While your pup is doing the right thing in the right place, PRAISE her abundantly! After she goes potty outside, give her a treat to teach her she did the right thing. If you do catch her going in the house, startle her, by saying “NO!” loudly, or stomping your feet while she is in the act. At the same time, pick her up and bring her outside. (A puppy will usually stop urinating when you pick her up.) Imagine how uncomfortable it would be if you were constantly interrupted when you went to the bathroom. They will learn that when they go outside, they won’t be interrupted.

!!! It’s right there in the Potty Training Manual !!!

Teach me to go outside, even though it’s not natural, and in return I learn I can go without being interrupted. Simple, easy and a win-win for all.

Except this morning.

 

Ready and raring to greet the day with my morning routine, I drag a bleary eyed Diana down the street, bark my, “Good morning to you, Mr. Gray Stripey Cat” at the cat on the corner house’s porch, round the corner, take a moment to read the latest news on the tree trunk, and head straight for the grass strip along the park.

 

Diana knows to stop, turn her back for privacy, and let me pace back and forth in a tighter circle until I am satisfied and take my moment.  Just when I’d begun, my mind wandering to whether I would get cheese shreds or rice on my kibble this morning, disaster struck!!!

“Bark…Bark…Bark”

What the devil?  There, in mid-moment, out of the darkness sprang my archenemy (Diana calls him a neighbor…she is more lenient in her definitions than I am…).  Chi-Weenie irritant extraordinaire, the only dog in a 2 mile radius that barks more than me…

Arthur

Can you say embarrassed and hopping mad?  Well, I can and did.  I was done – but not finished - and really, really mad.  Diana and Arthur’s mom casually waived hands at each other and tried not to notice each other’s nightgowns under their coats.  How can they be so blasé? Uncaring, I tell you.

 

We moved on in a vain attempt to find another “perfect” spot.  No go – literally.  I was so mad I couldn’t stop barking.  I’d walk 10 feet, stop, turn and bark my furor at Arthur, legs so stiff with indignation that I bounced down the street. 

“Find your own spot, Arthur!

 

You attention hog!

 

You stole my

Most Proficient Barker crown!

 

Now you want MY SPOT!

 

!!!MY SPOT!!!”

It really think I am scarred, permanently, damaged beyond repair, unable to ever accomplish my morning routine ever again.

Diana says to relax, time will heal my furor. And cheese.  Definitely cheese.